The Right Thing to Say When Someone Dies

LifeIsHOTblog

Brad’s mother died a week ago today. Since then, many of our friends have expressed condolences in person or in a short note.

I’ve noticed that some people seem to naturally know what to say to bring comfort. Others struggle. Some resort to platitudes that do not bring comfort and sometimes bring more pain. Wouldn’t it be great if we always knew the right thing to say when someone dies?

The right thing to say is composed of five simple ideas, and two optional statements. Each idea can be expressed in a few words. Here is a step-by-step guide to knowing the right thing to say when someone dies.

View original post 572 more words

12 Thoughtless Things People Say When Someone Dies

LifeIsHOTblog

Somewhere in our upbringing many of us were taught to not talk about death, and when death happens, to not talk about our feelings of loss.

 

As a logical consequence, when someone dies, we have no idea what to say. So in a well-meaning but ignorant effort to provide comfort, or out of our own discomfort with silence or with the emotional pain of the loss, we open our mouth and insert our foot.

Sadly, ignorance is endlessly creative, and so there are far more than a dozen ways to be thoughtless with our words and inflict pain instead of bringing comfort and consolation. I picked these 12 things to not say when someone dies because I think they are the most likely ones we mistakenly believe are actually helpful.

View original post 661 more words

The truth about honesty

ImageThis specific post is not to encourage lying. Though many of you might see this as a justification to lie, it is not. This is to give you an idea of when honesty is appreciated, when it isn’t, and how it should be done.

Recently, I have heard people say things like “Honesty is the most important quality I value in myself”, or “I am an honest person; I say things as they are” or “I value a person’s honesty the most”, “honesty is the most important quality a person should have”. To these people, I would like to be completely honest and say: LIES!

Yes, honesty is an important characteristic that we should possess but is it the most important? Perhaps, you are entitled to your own opinion. I would rate compassion, tact, humility, kindness, bravery, sympathy, and benevolence way ahead of honesty. These are qualities that would actually make this world a better place instead of the bluntness an honest world would bring.

I do believe that we should not lie but I would like to emphasise, it is often notImage WHAT we say, but HOW we say it that matters. I am very much guilty of sugar-coating my comments when asked to be honest. And usually when honest people ask for an opinion, they expect an honest reply.

We need to understand that there are people out there who are naturally blunt, honest and straightforward. And seeing as this is a trait that comes naturally to them, I do not say they should change to become sugar coaters. I once had a friend tell me that he would like to be more honest and straightforward like a certain person, and my advice was simple; if it is not in your nature to be brutally honest, you may come across as rude, blunt and inconsiderate. This often happens when naturally UNBLUNT people try being completely straightforward.

However, when asked for an opinion, we should all take the other person’s feelings into consideration, the timing of the question and the state of mind of the person asking. With addition to our own tone, our word usage, our actions, gestures, mannerisms and most of all; WHETHER IT IS OUR PLACE TO SAY IT OR NOT.Image

People need to realise there is a fine line between honesty and just being plain rude. Tact is an important quality many of us lack today.

So the next time someone asks for your opinion (or doesn’t) judge for yourself, how appropriate your answer is and whether you would like to be spoken to like that.

Image