12 Thoughtless Things People Say When Someone Dies


Somewhere in our upbringing many of us were taught to not talk about death, and when death happens, to not talk about our feelings of loss.


As a logical consequence, when someone dies, we have no idea what to say. So in a well-meaning but ignorant effort to provide comfort, or out of our own discomfort with silence or with the emotional pain of the loss, we open our mouth and insert our foot.

Sadly, ignorance is endlessly creative, and so there are far more than a dozen ways to be thoughtless with our words and inflict pain instead of bringing comfort and consolation. I picked these 12 things to not say when someone dies because I think they are the most likely ones we mistakenly believe are actually helpful.

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The truth about honesty

ImageThis specific post is not to encourage lying. Though many of you might see this as a justification to lie, it is not. This is to give you an idea of when honesty is appreciated, when it isn’t, and how it should be done.

Recently, I have heard people say things like “Honesty is the most important quality I value in myself”, or “I am an honest person; I say things as they are” or “I value a person’s honesty the most”, “honesty is the most important quality a person should have”. To these people, I would like to be completely honest and say: LIES!

Yes, honesty is an important characteristic that we should possess but is it the most important? Perhaps, you are entitled to your own opinion. I would rate compassion, tact, humility, kindness, bravery, sympathy, and benevolence way ahead of honesty. These are qualities that would actually make this world a better place instead of the bluntness an honest world would bring.

I do believe that we should not lie but I would like to emphasise, it is often notImage WHAT we say, but HOW we say it that matters. I am very much guilty of sugar-coating my comments when asked to be honest. And usually when honest people ask for an opinion, they expect an honest reply.

We need to understand that there are people out there who are naturally blunt, honest and straightforward. And seeing as this is a trait that comes naturally to them, I do not say they should change to become sugar coaters. I once had a friend tell me that he would like to be more honest and straightforward like a certain person, and my advice was simple; if it is not in your nature to be brutally honest, you may come across as rude, blunt and inconsiderate. This often happens when naturally UNBLUNT people try being completely straightforward.

However, when asked for an opinion, we should all take the other person’s feelings into consideration, the timing of the question and the state of mind of the person asking. With addition to our own tone, our word usage, our actions, gestures, mannerisms and most of all; WHETHER IT IS OUR PLACE TO SAY IT OR NOT.Image

People need to realise there is a fine line between honesty and just being plain rude. Tact is an important quality many of us lack today.

So the next time someone asks for your opinion (or doesn’t) judge for yourself, how appropriate your answer is and whether you would like to be spoken to like that.


Putting the “eEp” in “deep”

Is it just me or does everyone get annoyed by soppy photographs and tweets that make a weak attempt at sounding deep, but comes across as completely pointless?

If I seem to be ranting, let me explain.

I often come across these pictures (often display pictures) of random strangers embraced in a corny pose with some “profound”/supposedly ”profound” error filled quote  printed across the image. For instance: “all a girl wants is to be held tightly and told that you love her”. LIES, LIES, LIES! I don’t mean to come across as pessimistic or sour, I, myself am very much a romantic, but I mean seriously?! Or another example: “all girls want to be kissed passionately in the rain”, I agree, that many girls probably do want this, but I wouldn’t put it in a top ten of what all girls want.


Maybe I’m missing something ……..

As for twitter accounts such as “factsaboutgirls” “girlsquotes” and “allgirlswant”, personally I do not follow such accounts but I still come across them (retweeted by others) and I think to myself, “why do they make us seem so shallow/empty headed/relationship orientated”


so deep…

I have also noticed that the words of the artist Drake, has become almost as synonymous as the words of Mark Twain, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Helen Keller or Abraham Lincoln, etc. He says something and it becomes a “profound quote”, (obviously with a picture of him in the background).

All these pictures shout “look at me I’m so deep”, and if you need to shout that out, you are actually conveying the opposite message.

Even as I Googled this topic for ideas I only came up with lists of what girls want from a relationship/romantic/guy point of view, (as well as other really disturbing things).


every girl!

Here is a top 10 of what I think SOME girls want:

1)   To eat as much as they want and have a body that they see as perfect.

2)  To wash their hair without tons falling out or clogging the drain.

3)  To have hair free bodies and not have the worries of waxing, threading, shaving or lasering.

4)  Never to hear reasons like: “it’s not safe for you as a girl to go there alone”.

5)  The ability NOT to over analyse a situation.

6)  Never to experience jealousy.

7)  To be talented – sing, dance, artistic, play an instrument, be a human calculator or as flexible as a rubber band.

8)  Never to experience dermatological/weight issues.

9)  Not to have to live up to expectations from society/family/peers.

10)               And essentially everyone wants to just be happy!

So perhaps, a passionate kiss in the rain is something a lot of girls want, or to be doted on by someone who cares about them. This shouldn’t be all they want and people shouldn’t give the impression that’s all there is to them. Often we take the image society gives to us. Call someone “blonde” enough of times and they start actually being “blonde”. So don’t take the shallow image, we often have thrown at us wrapped in fake “deepness”. Be honest, be true, be YOU!

As the wise Dr Seuss said, “Today, you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Surely, he is a genius; otherwise he wouldn’t have a PhD…


Doctor indeed…….

Popz Music Awards

Seeing as the EMA’S did not do justice to many artists (and categories) out there, I have taken time out of my busy study time table (of course, I am not procrastinating) to present the PMA’s (Popz Music Awards). In addition, this is undoubtedly unbiased and definitely very fair. All decisions have been made by a panel of expert judges, from a range of countries, genres, and industries. The judges decisions are final and if you feel the need to take offence or disagree with any decisions made, please feel free to have your lawyer email me at : thisispurelymyopinion@sodealwithit.com.

Note: If you find that One Direction features rather more than necessary, it might or might not have something to do with my music associate Naadirah having rigged the category.



–          NOMINEES :

  • Rita Ora-Party and Bullshit
  • Neyo- Let Me Love You (until you learn to love yourself)

–          WINNER:  Neyo- Let Me Love You   (really now?)

  • Taylor Swift – We Are Never Getting Back Together

–          NOMINEE:

  • One Direction: Live While We’re Young
  • Dev: In the Dark

–          WINNER :  One direction


–          NOMINEES:

  • Carly Rae Jepson -Call Me Maybe
  • One Direction -That’s What Makes You Beautiful
  • Justin Bieber -Boyfriend
  • Gotye- Somebody That I Used To Know
  • Rita Ora- Party and Bullshit

–          WINNER :  Carly Rae Jepson


–          NOMINEES :

  • Taylor Swift – We Are Never Getting Back Together
  • Carly Rae Jepson and Owl City – Good Time
  • Justin Bieber – As Long As You Love Me

– WINNER : Taylor Swift


–          NOMINEES :

  • Muse
  • The Kongos
  • Mumford and Sons
  • Skillet

–          WINNER :  Skillet


–          NOMINEES :

  • The Killers
  • Muse
  • Linkin Park
  • Lady Gaga
  • Justin Bieber

–          WINNER : Linkin Park (of course I am not biased….. Bieber did come close though, after all he did puke on stage)


–          NOMINEES :

  • Mumford and sons
  • The Kongos
  • Fun

–          WINNERS : The Kongos


–          NOMINEES

  • PSY – Gangnam Style
  • Michel Telo – Ai Se Eu Te Pego
  • Lonely island – The Creep (Yeah I know it’s not  a 2012 song)

–          WINNER:  Psy – Gangnam Style (bet  you didn’t see that coming)


–          NOMINEES :

  • Florence And The Machine – Say My Name
  • Swedish House Mafia – Greyhound (The Vodka advert)
  • One direction – Live While We’re Young
  • Linkin Park – Burn It Down
  • Katy Perry – Part Of Me

–          WINNER : Swedish House Mafia


–          NOMINEES:

  • Don Omar – Danza Kuduro  (yeah …not 2012)
  • Psy – Gangnam Style
  • Micael Telo – Ai Se Eu Te Pego
  • Timaya – Shake Your Bum Bum

–          WINNER : Micael Telo – Ai Se Eu Te Pego (Give this a listen, my nephew has good taste)


–          NOMINEES:

  • The script – Hall of Fame
  • Linkin Park – Burnt it down
  • Muse- Madness
  • Ellie Goulding – Lights

–          WINNER :  Linkin Park


–          NOMINEES :

  • Flo Rida ft Sia – Wild One
  • David Guetta feat Sia – She wolf
  • Swedish House Mafia feat John Martin – Don’t You Worry

–          WINNER : David Guetta


–          NOMINEES :

–          WINNER : It’s a tie, between Ryan Higa and Sam tsui . You have to YouTube them!


–          NOMINEES :

  • Sound Garden – Live To Rise
  • Foo Fighters – Walk
  • Linkin Park – Burn It Down

–          WINNER:  Linkin Park


–          NOMINEES :

  • Carly Rae Jepson – Call Me Maybe
  • Rihanna – Where Have You Been All My Life
  • Neyo – Let Me Love You
  • DEV – In The Dark
  • Nikki Minaj – All of her songs
  • Taylor Swift – We Are Never Getting Back Together

–          WINNER : This category is tied … Make your pick.


–          NOMINEES :

  • Ed Sheeran
  • Birdy
  • Adele

–          WINNER : Ed Sheeran


–          WINNER: Katy Perry


–          NOMINEES :

  • Mumford and Sons
  • Muse

–          WINNER : Muse


–          Winner : Linkin Park (Because I’m NOT biased)


–          Sound garden – Live to Rise : The Avengers


–          NOMINEES :

  • Rihanna – Where Have You Been All My Life
  • Ke$ha – Die Young

–          WINNER: Ke$ha

Special Mention:


2012 Tomorrowland ( it just looks like a lot of fun……..youtube it)


Taylor Swift. (seriously how many break ups has she been through?)


Hey guys, so to my surprise people actually asked about my next blog post. Apparently, it seemed like a one-hit-wonder sort of thing.

My intention with this post is not to appear sexist or offend either gender or discriminate, as it is about girls, cars and well car “stuff”. Forgive me if you are fluent in car because this is then not for you. Though apparently a girl who can speak cars’ score automatically increases (see what I did there). But this isn’t about that sort of “car talk”.

So this is how it all began, a few Sundays ago a friend and I decided to take a drive to Bloubergstrand so I could improve my what-at-the-time was “dodgy driving”, on quiet roads.  To my dismay the car refused to start. So we came to the conclusion it had to be the battery that was flat. Being determined on going for this drive, we decided we would jumpstart the car ourselves. We had both watched it being done before, my dad attempted to teach me once, but just as my mother refuses to let me near her food blender, my dad refuses to let me near the cars bonnet. (I’m not exactly sure why). So seeing as neither of us had the adequate knowledge on how to do this, we decided we would youtube it.  

But before we were able to even let the video buffer, my sister (back in Lydenburg), had her  mechanic friend here, drive over to take a look for himself, (apparently my knowledge on cars is questionable). Good thing too, as it turned out that there was nothing wrong with the battery but instead the ignition was broken and needed to be replaced. I did however learn to start a car without using the key, useful for car theft apparently……… I will not go into this…….

So seeing as the school syllabus decided to use 12 years of our lives “learning” life orientation basically so we could “say no to drugs” (especially if this scenario was at a party where your hypothetical best friend was getting drunk), instead of teaching us how to change a cars tyre, or jumpstarting a car, I have decided to include a step by step guide to doing the above. Hopefully in a language, understood by most of you


 I have also added pictures at the end to assist you.


Basically you would need to do this if you turned the car on and nothing happens. This is usually done on automatics because manual cars can be push started.

First understand the principle of jumpstarting a car. You are basically transferring current from a STRONG source to a WEAKER source, by means of connecting wire. This gives it a surge of energy.


 Find the battery: so you will be looking for a square box like apparatus, usually in the bonnet with a positive (+) and negative (-) terminal at each end. To make things easier, they are often marked BLACK (for negative) and RED (for positive). If the car is a Japanese make, the box is likely to be found towards the passenger side of the vehicle (more to the front end). It should say 12V somewhere on it, because all cars should only be operated by such a battery.


Make sure you have a working car nearby and a set of jumper cables. Park the working car close enough to the “dead” car. Make sure both ignitions are switched off.


Using your jumper cables (these are large copper clips, connected by runner tubing), attach the positive (RED) terminal from the strong battery to the positive (RED) terminal on the weak battery. (The positive live car to the positive dead car).

Then attach the negative (BLACK) terminal from the strong battery to the weak terminal of the negative (BLACK) weak battery. (Negative live car to negative dead car)


Now, turn the ignition of the dead car and wait for the surge of power. Both cars remain on during this procedure.

To remove the cables, BE CAREFUL. The best way of doing this is to remove one wire from each cars battery. First remove the negative wire from the “dead” car then the negative wire from the “live” car. (so black and black). Then do the same for the positives. DO NOT do both on one battery.  


  • Make sure your car is not under warranty, because most manufacturers void the warranty once the car has been jump started (bet you didn’t know that from LO)
  • DO NOT AND I MEAN DO NOT allow the positives to touch the negatives – you will have a SHOCKING reminder not to let that happen again.
  • Remember when putting the cables on, do the positives first and when taking them off, do the negatives first.



So now for the hard part…….. HOW TO CHANGE A CARS TYRE

I would have loved to include a video but due to time constraints I was not able to.

If you think you have a puncture, pull over onto a safe relatively flat surface and switch the car off. (handbrake up, car in neutral).


Loosen the wheelnuts, by turning them left. Use a wheel brace aka spanner. Do not remove, just loosen them.


Find a hard, sturdy area underneath the car, to place the jack. This area should be solid enough to support the weight of the car. Slowly jack up the car until the wheel is lifted off the ground.


Now remove the wheelnuts which you loosened in step 1.


Place the spare wheel (usually located in the boot) on to the car, and make sure the wheel is now straight.


Put the wheelnuts which you removed in step 4 back on and tighten them as tight as possible. Also make sure that while doing this the sparewheel you just placed is even.


Lower the car slowly back to the ground.


Use the spanner to tighten the wheelnuts as tight as possible. Remove the jack and the spanner.


  • Do not jack the car up too high, it should be high enough to take the tyres of and replace it.
  • Put the tyre underneath the one that you are replacing in case the jack slips.
  • Sit on the floor it is easier to align the new tyre.


So the good news is that you now have the knowledge and theory to jumpstart a car and change a cars tyre. The bad news, is that you probably not going to look as hot as Megan Fox in Transformers or Rihanna in “shut up and drive” (this is subject to opinion).

Till next time…….. DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE!!!



 I will not be held liable for any damages occurring due to this blog.

Use at your own risk!




  • Jason Kelderman
  • Junaid Rawoot
  • Stephen Michael Gabriel




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So what’s the deal with hugs?

There are many benefits to the socially acceptable act of hugging. Often used in greetings, farewells, affection, to share emotion and sometimes just for the sake of it, hugging has being scientifically proven to calm the nervous system and as a form of stress relief.

But how much of thought have you put into hugs? You could be a person that hates hugs, and simply has to endure them, merely not to offend others in your social circle. Or you could be one of those people who just have to hug people, whether you’ve met them once or don’t even know their names; you just enjoy spreading the love.

Well it seems a lot more goes into a hug than one would think, what is the normal duration of a hug? How often can you hug someone? Do you hug people if you’ve just met them?

So the aim of this blog entry (my first) is to shed some light on the social etiquette of hugging, what is and what isn’t allowed and how long is normal.

Based on recent research (and I refuse to reference this) it has come to my attention that a normal socially acceptable hug lasts approximately 3 seconds. This specifically refers to a girl-to-girl hug,  however if the girls are best friends/family/super close, it could last any time from 3 seconds to forever, there is no rule for letting go. However in a normal setting such as a school/varsity/social gathering, it would be safe to stay on 3 seconds.

For guys on the other hand, their hugs start with a handshake which evolves into a partial shoulder- bump-pat-on-the-back sort gesture, which might not be understandable to girls, seems to work for them. This hug also lasts approximately 2 seconds depending on the duration of the pat on the back.

Now when it comes to a guy-to-girl hug, rules change. What seems to be the norm, when hugging a guy who is just a friend, not your best friend/boyfriend/cousin, it is perfectly acceptable to give a side hug, which involves extending one arm and lasting between 2-3 seconds, basically a partial hug. To some it might seem rude but is actually the most appropriate. (This is all relative to the personalities of the people involved, may be subject to change, and DEFINITELY weather dependent.)

Finally, when it comes to hugging parents, I have a simple rule: DON’T LET GO, usually this lasts until a fellow sibling or grandchild pushes their way in and you are forced to surrender.

I also would like to make special reference to guys hugging girls in scarf/hijab. Not always appropriate (ok, it’s never), be reminded that they do not bite and are not monsters, depending on the girl and her personal views will depend on whether she is ok with hugs, in fact it is way more appropriate to ASK.


  • Do not ever pat the back or rub the back when hugging
  • Do not lift the person of their feet (unless there is reason to celebrate)
  • Do not sniff the girls hair (there are levels of creepy)
  • Try and avoid back hugs, they are awkward!
  • Try not to over hug  (more than 3 hugs a day ) , but try not to resent hugs (myself included)

Finally, there are always exceptions to the rules and you always have that one friend who emits rays of sunshine when you hug, regardless of gender. But the gesture of a hug, as my friends explained is just to leave things on a sweet note, so your last thought of the person leaving was a friendly one, it is hard to argue with that reason, even if it is at the risk of contracting flu.



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